05/02/2009
I turned my blinker on on a curvy road and stopped at at least two green lights today.
02/20/2009
I've never prided myself on being a real classy lady. I should, Jeremy might appreciate it. Instead I think out loud and way too much. I was at Fred Meyers customer service counter and noticed a big TV behind the counter showing the recording of me. 'Good land look how much room I take up on that screen, TV definitely adds 10lbs.' In my mind I'm thinking this but my mouth opens and sound is coming out so of course the gal behind the counter is hearing all of my private thoughts. I continue staring at my reflection in the TV, rip open my jacket pull it back and check out my side profile. 'Dang! Please let it be at least 10lbs'
The customer service gal who has A tooth, looks at me, smiles and says, "Yeah, I was blessed with big boobs too. I don't know what happened to my two girls though. They must have gotten their dads genes. They're two little flat chested whores."
Hmm...well...what do ya say to that?
01/31/2009
I went to the river trying to find the fog horns, I thought I'd take some cool pictures. You know like a light house warning the ships, tbut horns, they should be around somewhere. I didn't find one. Did you know they are on the boats? So I just took a picture of the fog.
01/21/2009
Jeremy called me three days in a row in between the three and four o'clock hour to find me in tears and a blithering idiot as I felt such compassion and sorrow for Oprah's guest on her show that day. I cried myself to sleep at night. The next day the same time he would call , I'd be cryin'. "That's it" he said "You are grounded from Oprah". And I was too!
01/19/2009
I've smiled so much in the last few days my cheeks hurt!
12/19/2008
I'm like a little kid in a candy shop when it snows!
10/07/2008
This morning Thatcher and I could only find one of his many shoes. So I put one shoe on him and off we went. He just hobbled around with one shoe on one foot and nothing on the other. I laugh now at how that must have looked. Why didn't I just let him go without? I needed it to be clear that the kid had shoes, he was just missing one of them!
10/17/2008
One year and a day to Jeremy backing out of the garage while the garage door was still closed I decided to make him feel better and backed into it also.
09/25/2008
My teeth hurt so bad tonight! Why did I choose to get braces for my early mid-life crisis?
09/04/2008
Someone once told me I looked like Jackie of of the sitcom Rosanne. HMMM...was that supposed to be a compliment?
08/29/2008
I often sing as loud as I can in the car pretending I'm a rock star only this time I had accidentally called Jeremy on my cell phone and he put me on speaker for all of his co-workers to hear my healthy rendition of (Ewin McGregor) Your Song from Moulin Rouge.
07/22/2008
A few weeks ago my friend told me how years ago she booby trapped the house for robbers when her husband was out of town. She would lean his golf clubs on the front door and put baby gates up in strange places. Well I took her little trick and used it myself once or twice this week. I put stools in the middle of rooms so the bad guys would stub their toes. And big loud plastic bags the length of the hall, so it would sound like they were stepping on big plastic poppers. I left sharp toys all over the stairs. I think it worked... I never saw anyone!
07/13/2008
There was a spider is our master bath right off of our bedroom, it was about 1am and Jeremy was not about to grab a ladder to reach the top of our 20ft vaulted ceiling to kill the ginormous thing. I had him grab me two cotton balls to shove in my ears. Jeremy then kindly informed me that I sleep with my mouth open.
07/10/2008
Last night I made cookie dough and never baked the cookies just ate the dough.
06/26/2008
I randomly stop strangers by calling them the wrong name and ask for a picture with them, I then look at their daughter who just rolled her eyes and with a gentle pat to the back say "oh sweetie don't you know your daddy is famous" .
06/19/2008
Sometimes I forget to close my mouth and it's just gaping open while a watch a movie or blog or while I am talking to someone. It's not that big of a deal until I feel the drip of drool hit my hand.
06/09/2008
My friends were telling me when they put their sprinkler system in they dug it by hand. They continued to tell me how it was a lot of work, a big job. I just looked to my other friend and said why couldn't they use a shovel?
06/06/2008
Jeremy and I were sitting at a stop light and my cup of water was old so I held my cup and tossed my water out my window. Right as the water flew a bicyclist passed us in the bike lane. What a shocker for that poor guy! But he lucked out, a second earlier and he would've been drenched!
06/05/2008
It was about 11pm one night and I was pregnant with Thatcher, I had just finished a Big Mac and then promptly drove myself to Crispy Creme where I proceeded to eat a half a dozen glazed donuts. I then drove home crying to my friend about how much weight I was gaining.
06/03/2008
Jeremy and I went on a double date to the movies. Our movie had just begun as we walked into the theater, arms were over flowing with popcorn, nachos, candy and big sodas as . The theater was packed so it took awhile to find four good seats all together. "Excuse me! Are these seats taken?" The lady picks up her purse so we can sit. We didn't pay attention to the looks that were being thrown our direction, we just settled in and tried to catch up on what we'd missed. As we started watching we were discussing how the movie was one that told the story starting with the ending. A list of all the men who died came up right before the credits started to roll. I guess we got there a little early or late to the first showing. I can only imagine the fools we looked like as we settled in for a great show.
06/02/2008
In my old ward we would have girls night once a month and I convinced all of the women to toilet paper the first person who went home. It became a monthly ritual. Toilet papering meant you were loved. We had old ladies who couldn't run and we had to teach how to throw toilet paper so it unrolls with the throw. You know there is an art to it. YW, RS and Primary presidencies were all there, I corrupted them all. We always imagined a cop pulling over two vans full of women from 25-60 with loads of toilet paper in hand or catching us in the act and being unable to hold his composer! We had a gal who believed Elvis lives so we wrote in toilet paper, Elvis was here!
05/30/2008
I often laugh at myself and think "Dang I am so funny!" Sometimes I think I am the funniest person I know and then I look around and no one else is laughing with me...
05/28/2008
When people ask why I am missing my big toe it's all I can do to resist telling a story. I normally say something like "My mom dropped a kitchen knife when I was really young, and this was the result" I laugh and think I am really funny! Last year Jeremy's grandma heard me say "I was born without my toe" she said "you told me your mom dropped a kitchen knife" Whoops!
05/25/2008
In second grade I was late one morning to school I was so afraid of getting in trouble that when asked why I was late my mouth opened up and "my dad had a heart attack" is what came out. Well stories like that often make it back home and this one did. I think the Bishop called to see how dad was. Horrible.
05/22/2008
In High School I was on the diving team for a very short stint in time but nevertheless on the diving team. One early morning after practice I was walking towards the dressing room with some cute boys chatting and laughing. I got into the dressing room and looked in the mirror and snot was streaming down my face.
05/21/2008
Yesterday I told how often I cry, I really out did myself tonight when I cried okay blubbered over politics.
05/20/2008
To some this is no confession but here we go, I am a crier, I cry at movies and reading books and in church, in my car listening to the radio, if I see someone being mean, if someone else is crying, I cry watching the news, reading the paper and Hallmark commercials and Oprah. Jeremy has restricted me from watching Oprah after the 5th day calling home during the 3 o'clock hour and I was sobbing. Each day he asked what was wrong and I told him "On nothing I'm just watching Oprah" That was it, Oprah was banned from our house for a few months until I could recover.
05/19/2008
I hate it when I get stopped at a red light but I hate it even more when I've found myself stopped and chillin' at green light for who knows how long... I have even stopped at a sign that tells you there is a stop sign up ahead and then blazed through the actually stop sign. But overall I am a great driver.
05/15/2008
Whenever I see someone walking casually down the street or riding their bike along side of the road, crossing a cross walk young or old or kids playing in the street, I have to fight the overwhelming urge with every ounce of my being and refrain from pounding my horn right as I pass them. I imagine them jumping and screaming as I giggle in diabolical delight. I always tell Jeremy "OH wouldn't this be so funny..." "No" he says. He just doesn't get it... I have refrained of late but only in fear of the AK47 they pull out of their pocket and pop me with.
05/14/08
I just returned from the store and here is what I bought. 2 Nutter Butter Mini . 2 Chips Ahoy Mini . Oatmeal Cookies. Pastries. Animal Crackers. M&M's. Gummi Saver. Milk Duds. And a Tupperware bin. Do you remember the Sugar Nazi attempt a few months ago? How about the 30lbs by the end of May? Hmm... Well I do run a daycare and they do need snacks.
05/13/08
When Jeremy and I were recently married we lived in a town home next to some
friends. We very rarely heard our neighbors threw the walls. One evening we were playing cards in the living room and we heard the loudest, longest, most powerful, booming release of flatulence known to all mankind. This thing could have won an award! My jaw dropped in shock and then we bellowed in laughter. I made Jeremy call the neighbor and tell him how impressive that was...He did.
05/12/2008
My dad loved how gullible I was and played on every chance he got. I was well into my teens before I realized that possums did not have three legs the back two for speed and the front one for steering. They like all other creatures they had four legs.
05/11/2008
Jeremy and I were making out and wrecked our car, So yes we were making out while in drive not in park. We ran over about 5 orange cones and 1 big orange barrel that high centered us until Jeremy's big muscles set us free.There was no damage to the cones just my fender in it's introduction to the barrel, so we were determined to get out of there before a cop showed up and asked for an explanation.
05/10/2008
Once I went to the movies with my mom and she had made a big bag of home made popcorn and wrapped it in a baby blanket and cradled it into the theater. Someone actually asked mom to see her baby... She didn't let them... I hope the Lord has a sense of humor and doesn't go too harshly on me. As I did sneak treats into the movies again last night.
05/09/2008
I used to bite my toenails. But I don't any more. Really...
05/08/2008
Yesterday I had to wear my swimming suit because I had no clean underwear.
05/07/2008
05/07/2008
I have a secret desire to have my very own mo-ped. Maybe a lime green Vespa. I'd cruise around town with a matching helmet and a little basket on the front and a really annoying horn.
05/06/2008
05/06/2008
In eighth grade I had asked my science teacher for some help "Miss Bucky could you please explain that one more time?" Now little did I know that her name was not Miss Bucky that was just what the kids had nicknamed her due to her very buck teeth. It proved to be a hard year in science.
